


When History Comes Back to Haunt You

by InTheShadows



Series: Destiny Has Blue Eyes [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Grey Mordred (Merlin), Gwaine & Mordred are brothers in this one, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Lonely Mordred (Merlin), Mordred's optimism hidden behind his icy exterior, Mordred-centric (Merlin), Random & Short, Sibling Bonding, he's excited to have his little brother back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21640156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheShadows/pseuds/InTheShadows
Summary: Mordred hasn't seen his brother in years - ever since the Druids took him in to teach him when he was a child. That didn't exactly work out, but he never went back. There was more than one reason why he left in the first place after all. He's wondered from time to time how they are, but he doesn't know. Not until he accidentally finds him again. When he's working with Morgana and her slavers. Because he has been captured. Because he is a knight of Camelot. Well then, this is going to be awkward if he isn't careful.
Relationships: Gwaine & Mordred (Merlin)
Series: Destiny Has Blue Eyes [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1489637
Comments: 11
Kudos: 285





	When History Comes Back to Haunt You

The first time Mordred sees his brother after years apart, the situation is... less than ideal. He doesn’t even realize who he is at first. When Mordred left home he was only a child with a child’s memory. He’s wondered from time to time what has happened to them. If they were faring better. He’s even considered going back, but he never has. The reason he left in the first place - one of them - is that their mother was struggling to keep both of them fed and clothed. Having the Druids offer to take him in was a god sent at the time. How could he go back? 

Chances are that he wouldn’t have been able to find them anyways. They moved often, looking for work. After more than a year they would have been long gone from the village they had been staying at when he left. He couldn’t go back to his family or the Druids so he was on his own. He can’t say he is exactly proud of the way he survived, but survive he did. His childhood taught him that, even before the death of his Druid mentor. 

His latest job is not the worst one he’s had, but it still sits ill in his stomach. When he first joined Morgana he had been so hopeful. Excited even. Some of his best memories include her. The circumstances may have been grave, but she was a light among that. 

However it is fast becoming obvious that the Morgana of his memory and the one he sees now are two very different people. The Morgana of before was caring, kind and protective. She has a will as strong as a sword, with a sharp tongue to match, but she was not - this. Hard, cruel and obsessed with revenge. She may claim that she wants to return magic to the land, but that is not her main goal. She wishes to rule. She wants to kill Arthur. Everything else is secondary. 

He knows that he will not be staying. Not with this shadow of the woman he once admired. It is too painful. As well, being a slaver is not a comfortable thing either. The years may have chipped away at his moral code, but he does still have one. So he plans on leaving, on slipping away when he will not be missed. 

But then they capture a group of Camelot knights - including his brother. The only reason Mordred realizes is because one of the others said his name. He was familiar, yes, but Mordred had been five the last time he saw him. Still, surely there can’t be that many Gwaines in the world. Especially not with that much attitude. His hair is the same too. And his smirk. Their mother always despaired of his cheek, that he does remember. 

He doesn’t recognize Mordred, but that is to be expected. If Gwaine has changed over the years than Mordred has changed even more. What child looks the same when they are full grown? He hangs back though, just in case and counts himself lucky that none of these men know his real name. Morgana does of course, but he has a habit of never giving his real name out. A lucky habit and practical because there aren’t that many Mordreds that he has found either. 

On the trip back he tries to decide if this changes his plans any. Is he still willing to leave with his brother here? Does it matter? Cold yes, but then the world is a cold place and it has taught him its ways. The only way to survive is to look after yourself first. Everything else comes second. But just as the thought of being a slaver is not comfortable, neither is the idea of leaving his brother. Even if Mordred never decides to reveal himself, they are still family. And family sticks together. He can’t leave. Not yet. 

What he would really like to know though is just how in the world  _ Gwaine _ became a  _ knight _ of  _ Camelot _ ? First of all they aren’t from Camelot - not even close. For another Mordred has a vague memory of him swearing off all nobility after they were abandoned at their father’s death. Has that changed? For one specific ruler at least? He had heard that King Arthur does not require his knights to be nobles now. Any are welcome to try to become one. And he is the Once and Future King. 

Not that that would mean anything to Gwaine. Mordred inherited all the magic in the family. If there had been anyone else it was in the past and they were long dead. That is also another thing to consider. Would Gwaine reveal him to be a Druid if he knew? Or Druid trained because Mordred does not consider himself one anymore. He has left that path for too long now, strayed too far. He has his doubts about whether they would welcome him back or not. And that would be even if he wanted to return. He doesn’t. 

He has his own reasons for not wanting to. Part of that is their policy of nonviolence. It’s not that he has no respect for it per se, but only because it makes them easy targets. It is known that they do not fight. There are enough people in the world that will take advantage of that - and have. Besides that Mordred secretly dreams of becoming a knight one day. And not just anywhere, but Camelot. He’s known for years now how foolish that is. Him? A knight? It is a child’s dream and has no room in the real world. Still that doesn’t mean it will be dismissed so easily. Impractical and naive it may be, it lingers in the back of his mind nonetheless. 

Then there is the matter of his abandonment. Or that is how it seems to him. After his first mentor’s death and his own escape no one ever came for him. He never heard word of any search or summons or anything. It is as if they discarded him completely. Surely they had to know that he was still alive. Right? Perhaps not right away, but eventually. Why would they never seek him out then? Unfair maybe. He knows their resources are limited and they must live in fear and hiding. But they sought him out once. Why not again? Do they blame him for Derek’s death? 

To be fair he did not return to them either. But then he wasn’t sure that he should. Or how. He hadn’t been sure of his welcome of he never tried. Some of the blame is on him yes. But all? No he doesn’t feel so. They promised his mother that they would provide for him and teach him. They failed. How is that his fault? 

So he has his reasons. If he is being honest it was more of the latter than the former as to why he never did. He had been such an angry child - quick to blame and rage and slow to forgive. He held onto his anger tightly because that as what kept him going. What kept him alive. He used his anger and hurt and fear to survive. Negative emotions were his shield against the world. Better to hurt them before they hurt you. That was his outlook and at the time he believed that it served him well. He clung to it like a drowning man. 

Now he is older, if not wiser, and he has learned better. Attacking first ensures that all are your enemy. Best to wait and let them make the first move. His burning rage has frozen into a wall of ice. He knows when to hold back, to wait and when to attack. He knows how to be friendly and inviting without forming any connections. Instantly lashing out only drives away any potential allies. Potential friends. 

Another naive thought, but he is so lonely. So lonely that it feels as if he could die from it. All his life it has been about surviving rather than fitting in. Always on the guard for potential betrayal when all he wanted was a place to belong instead. A safe place where he had friends to watch his back as he watched their’s. Where he was not forever going hungry. Where there was laughter and companionship and security. Another child’s dream, but also something he desperately longs for. 

Maybe that is the true reason he does not abandon Gwaine to his fate. It was certainly the reason he sought out Morgana in the beginning. Some dreams just refuse to die no matter what. He has two. Perhaps it would be better if he didn’t, but he does. Even after the life he lived those still stay. They are the only things that have. 

So he stays after he helps deliver the knights right into Morgana’s hands. 

And then King Arthur and Emrys are captured as well. 

:::

It isn’t until they are back in Camelot’s lands that Gwaine finally makes the connection. The trip back had been interesting. King Arthur did not recognize him, even after he introduces himself. Instead he gave him a place by his side. A knight. He is going to be a knight. He can barely believe it. But if both Gwaine and King Arthur do not know him then Emrys makes up for both of them. He knows exactly who Mordred is - and he isn’t happy about it either. The distrust practically flows off of him. 

The others are a bit wary around him as well. It’s a reasonable reaction and he doesn’t hold it against any of them. He is an unknown, an enemy who is now an ally. He declared his side, saved their king, but will that last? He would do the same in their position. 

However one of his questions is answered very quickly. There is no doubt that Gwaine is loyal to King Arthur and likes him if his teasing is anything to go by, but it is not the King he stays for. It’s Emrys. And not just Gwaine either it seems. All of them, even the King, seem to gravitate around him. They all have their different ways of showing it, but they all do. If King Arthur is the head of the knights then Emrys is the heart. It’s something he can understand all too well. He isn’t immune to the pull himself. He only stays back because he knows that he will not be welcomed. 

It’s amusing to watch, even if it does emphasize his place as an outsider. They all fuss over him, tease him, check up on him, making jokes and laughing. The King is the worst one of all. He fusses and he hovers all the while pretending that he isn’t. Pretending he’s doing it for his own benefit, so that he doesn’t ‘get stuck with George for the foreseeable future so you better not drop with exhaustion on me now  _ Mer _ lin’. It’s all hard edges and banter to hide the soft core underneath. 

Emrys does not hold back either, showing what a long term habit this is. Indeed the smiles the others have shows just how typical this is of them. Mordred himself has to constantly hide his smile. He isn’t sure he is allowed it yet. Their trip makes him feel both accepted and lonelier than he’s ever been before. 

“Well Mordred,” King Arthur says as the stop in view of the castle, “what do you think?” 

Mordred looks on, giving the appropriate reaction. It is still impressive, his memory did not lie. The castle rising out of the forest gives the impression of an island rising out of the mist. Magnificent even if this isn’t the first time he’s seen it. 

“Wait, Mordred?” Gwaine asks. This is the first time anyone has said his name where he could hear it. His doubtful welcome had not been the only reason he had been lingering at the edges of the group. He is still a bit wary about Gwaine knowing. Too late now though. He comes over and spins Mordred around by his shoulders. Face to face Gwaine gives him a hard look. “Mordred you little brat, is that really you?” A smile is starting to form as he asks. 

Now he could deny it. Could call it a coincidence and move on, but he doubts that would work for long. Gwaine isn’t stupid, he would figure it out soon enough. Besides he finds suddenly that he doesn’t want to deny it. He slaps his hands away. “Not so little now so you better watch who you tackle now Waine.” He uses his childhood nickname from when he hadn’t been able to say Gwaine’s name properly. 

He doesn’t take offense. Instead with a shout he picks Mordred up and spins him around, shouting with glee. 

“Gwaine!” Mordred yells, but can’t help the laughter that slips into his tone. This is his big brother. This is family. That means something, even now. 

“Look at you, look at you.” Gwaine is grinning widely as he sets him down although he doesn’t release him yet. 

“I take it the two of you know each other,” King Arthur interrupts dryly. 

Before Mordred can answer, Gwaine starts his own version of introductions. “Princess this is my little brother Mordred. Mor-mor this is Princess.” Mischief is written over his entire expression. 

“Don’t call me that,” Mordred snaps. It’s not surprising that Gwaine used his own childish nickname, but it is still embarrassing. At least he isn’t the only one to have one. 

Gwaine continues to grin, completely unrepentant. Then he frowns as the reality of the situation catches up with him. “But wait-” 

Mordred shakes his head before he can finish. Now is not the place to have this conversation. 

“Oh joy,” King Arthur says, mouth twitching, “more of you. Tell me Gwaine why have you never mentioned him before now? I do make allowances for families remember.” 

Gwaine shrugs. “We haven’t seen each other in years now. I didn’t know where he was.” He turns to look at Mordred, “Mum died six years ago. I tried to send word, but I couldn’t find you. I’m sorry.” He squeezes his shoulder in support. 

Mordred nods, not surprised. Their mother lived a hard life after their father’s death, trying to provide for them. And for all that she was his mother, he can’t feel much more than some sadness at the news. She gave him up so that he might have a better life, but that means he only has some memories of her, nothing more. There is no closeness to go with that love and faint hurt. 

King Arthur clears his throat a bit awkwardly. He doesn’t look comfortable at the mention, although he hides it. 

“Another family took me in when mother couldn’t provide for the both of us,” he explains. 

“But then why-” Gwaine asks, carefully not finishing that sentence. 

“It didn’t work out,” he answers vaguely. 

“Then why didn’t you come back?” Gwaine demands. 

Mordred refuses to back down. “It had been years by then. How would I know where to look? Besides did things suddenly improve that much after I left? The reason why I went in the first place was still valid.” 

“We would have managed,” he argues, “but if that family didn’t work, then why-” he cuts himself off again. “We’ll talk later.”

Mordred nods in agreement. He doubts he will get any peace until they do. If nothing else he is going to demand an explanation for why he was with Morgana and her slavers. 

Then he perks up again. “My little brother, a knight. This is going to be great!” His smile promises no end of teasing and trouble. 

“My deepest condolences,” Percival says, smiling when Mordred turns around to see him. 

“Thank you,” he nods seriously. He has a feeling he is going to need it. 


End file.
